I am writing to you today from a place of awe and humility, for as of this Friday I will be 14 weeks pregnant!
I've been anxiously awaiting the second trimester when I could officially share this news with you, as there are so many insights I have to share from this journey.
When I was knee deep in the relenting pain of struggling to conceive, one of the most common responses I got was "just let go, stop trying, stop focusing/fixating on it. So and so got pregnant when they stopped trying."
Receiving this feedback, while again I knew it came from a genuine place of wanting to help me, felt so incredibly infuriating. It sounded amazing, and I so wished I could "just let go," but I couldn't, I wasn't ready, and my consequential inability to let go simply added to my feeling of failure, that something was wrong with me.
I couldn't force myself to let go, or drop the desire to be pregnant and have a child.
As painful as it was, I needed every single moment, breakdown, and insight that I encountered through those years.
That journey broke me, and I am grateful every day for that.
For it didn't break my soul, it broke all of the barriers that I had created that prevented me from fully embracing all aspects of myself. It broke the resistance to embracing my shadow, broke the resistance to befriending all aspects of my humanity, and ultimately assisted me in integrating my ego.
Now eventually, I came to a point where I was ready for the next step in my souls evolution. I came to love, accept and embrace the aspect of myself that would probably always want a child, not let her go.
In embracing her, I experienced a sequence of events which led me to recognize my ability to embrace my pain and my struggles, share them vulnerably with the world, and begin moving forward in channeling my creative energy into birthing my business.
But again, it was a journey to get to this point. I couldn't have forced it to happen a moment before it did.
And ultimately, I abandoned the ideal of "letting go," focusing instead on moving forward with all aspects of myself.
So out of all of this my intention is that you be blessed with more self compassion, tenderness and love, no matter what challenges you may be navigating. That you know that you are exactly where you need to be, even thought it may not feel convenient or comfortable. That you are doing everything perfectly, growing at the rate that is most ideal for you and your soul. And that you will know when the time comes to begin circulating energy and moving forward.
But until that time comes be gentle with yourself. There is no need to beat yourself up for not yet being able to "let it go." Spend time connecting with, acknowledging, and nurturing that part of you that is in pain.
So whether you are holding a grudge towards someone, having a hard time forgiving, or feel stuck in something, what if you gave yourself permission to stop trying to force forgiveness or letting go?
What if instead, you turn to that aspect of your inner child and simply acknowledge their pain? Their hurt? Their betrayal or any other emotion they may be feeling, and love them exactly where they are without trying to force them to be at a stage in their healing that they are not yet ready for?
I commend you. I know first hand how excruciating this journey of life can get, and I honor you for your courage and your resilience.
With infinite love, gratitude and awe for you and this roller coaster of life,
P.S. I know from personal experience how lonely and isolating it can feel to navigate through crisis, as so many people just don't know how to be fully present with you and your pain. If you feel the call to begin embracing all aspects of your humanity so that you can fully anchor the power of your light into this world then I invite you to reach out to me. We can schedule a free 30 minute breakthrough call and from there see if it would be a good fit to work together towards your own personal empowerment and liberation.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!