I'm sharing with you today my number 1 pet peeve that I am constantly coming across in blogs, social media posts, and podcasts. This is a longer blog yet I believe the exploration is so important in our journey to true empowerment.
Every time I hear someone dish out the all too common advice of "Just stay positive, focus on the positive, be positive," or any other variation, I feel myself cringing at the disservice this does for the recipient.
Now before I dive too deep into this I have a confession.
I used to be this person. I had no tolerance for negativity, and only wanted to exist and be around the positive, happy, and cheerful. When people came to me with their struggles I was the first to say, "but look at what you have to be grateful for, so just stay positive!"
One of the greatest gifts the years of struggling to conceive gave to me was the capacity to ground fully into my humanity, and therefore be able to fully witness and acknowledge the pain and suffering of humanity.
In those dark years I cannot tell you how many times I would share my despair, hopelessness and pain with others, only to hear from them variations of "Just keep focusing on what you have to be grateful for. Stay positive. You don't want to linger in the doom and gloom because you'll just attract more of that. So keep your head up."
Now, I know that these words came from a caring place, after all these were the very words I so often said to others.
And yet I slowly began to realize that often these words of positive advice stem from a place of immense discomfort with pain.
I think we are afraid that if we acknowledge these dark aspects/thoughts, then we will get stuck or indulge in them. And yet from my experience it is when we ignore, suppress, or try to overcome, that causes them to act out in sneaky ways, often causing us to become unconsciously stuck and identified with them.
Can you relate to this?
I know I can, I used to be so uncomfortable with anger, pain, frustration, hatred, etc., both in myself and in others, that all I wanted to do is quickly gloss over to the rainbows and butterflies.
And that's why I consider my journey of pain and struggle to be such a gift. For in those moments when people would try to gloss over to the positive I could feel my inner child, immersed in utter devastation, in complete revolt.
I could hear and feel her internally screaming "I don't want to focus on the positive! This feels so horrible and I just need to be here! Why cant you accept me when I'm in this space?"
I slowly began to realize that so many of us have been raised to be incredibly adverse to pain and discomfort.
We've been told to be good little girls, to put our best foot forward, to smile and get over it.
And so I set off to do what I could in changing my own relationship with pain and discomfort.
I began to give all of the dark, gloomy, angry aspects of myself permission to be exactly as they were in any given moment.
I turned to writing and laying on my back internally connecting with whatever was arising, at times even screaming out-loud and pounding the floor, allowing these aspects of me that I had long thought to be despicable and undesirable to be heard.
Aspects of my inner child that felt my circumstances were so unfair. "I've always taken such good care of myself! I've been spiritual! I've been positive! I don't deserve this!"
Aspects of my inner child that would feel hatred that stemmed from an even harder emotion, jealousy, towards women in my life who were getting pregnant effortlessly. "I hate her! I hate how easy everything is for her! I don't know how to be happy for her."
Now I'll be honest - this was not a fun or enjoyable process. And it took time, a good year, of wading through the muck. For the first time in my life I was giving myself permission to feel, see and acknowledge all of my shadow aspects. And after 30 years of denying and suppressing these aspects of myself they arose with a fierce intensity that often left me astonished.
However, I know now that these qualities of our shadows are simply fragmented aspects of the heart that have been hurt, betrayed, ignored, suppressed and denied.
And often all they desire is the acknowledgement of their pain. Not to be changed, but to have permission to be exactly as they are.
As these aspects of your humanity are welcomed back into the love of your heart something radical begins to shift. They no longer need to act out in such violent ways to get your attention, and the pain of internal conflict and separation begins to mend as you embrace all facets of yourself.
I used to be so focused on enlightenment, on the higher chakras, on opening my third eye, that I was never fully grounded and therefore not fully effective as a light-worker in this world.
This process slowly began to shift my focus from "awakening" into "embodying," and through that shift the unwavering power and capacity of my truth as a light-worker awakened, and I now feel capable of facing not only my own shadows but also the shadows of this world with an open heart, ready to welcome it all into the compassionate, understanding love of my light.
So if you are going through a challenge, experiencing pain, devastation or loss, I acknowledge you exactly where you are. You have a right to feel what you feel. I am so sorry for your pain. I see you, I hear you, I love you.
P.S. - I know from personal experience how scary and daunting this process can be, and how beneficial it can be to have a loving guide through the journey. If you feel the call to begin embracing all aspects of your humanity so that you can fully anchor the power of your light into this world then I invite you to reach out to me. We can schedule a free 30 minute breakthrough call and from there see if it would be a good fit to work together towards your own personal empowerment and liberation.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!