Ok ladies, lets be real. I’m guessing that most of us have mastered the art of putting ourselves down, feeling like we’re never enough, feeling like there is something wrong with us, criticizing everything about our bodies, personalities and thoughts.
So since we’ve mastered that approach, why don’t we explore learning something new?
Yes, I know, once we have something mastered it becomes comfortable, and moving into new territory can feel daunting and uncomfortable. And yet if we’re not growing we’re dying, and usually once we’ve mastered something we tend to become stagnant.
So what do you say? Lets try circulating new energy and mix it up a bit shall we?
So the opposite of criticizing and beating ourselves up is of course to compliment the fuck out of ourselves.
Now before we dive into this juicy practice, lets first blast away the notion that we are only worthy of compliments when we do something life altering, world changing, and publication worthy.
Instead, lets be radical, audacious, playful, and compliment ourselves for the miraculous that we tend to downplay as mundane.
So I will share with you examples of how I have begun to play with this throughout the day. Making it funny only ups the ante.
“Wow, look at you go! Your fingers are moving so quickly across this keyboard, you are a bad ass typer! And look at how well you’re expressing your thoughts in written word, brilliant!”
“Damn girl, look at you driving this car, a box of metal flying down the freeway, navigating all of the traffic, not hitting anyone, all the while listening to music! You are incredible!”
“My dear, your string of curse words and following tears when your nachos fell on the floor? Oscar worthy! You really let your anger flow like a hurricane, that was seriously impressive!”
So these are some fun, playful examples of the dialogue I engage in throughout the day.
And then, at the end of the day, I lay in bed and do a recap, starting from the beginning and running through the whole day.
“I totally rocked today! I got out of bed, I made myself breakfast, I showered and dressed and brushed my teeth. I rocked it! I accomplished such and such for work today, bravo to me! I played with my dog, and even took him for a 15 minute walk! Amazing! I went to the grocery store, and took time to read because it brings me joy, and sat in the sun because it felt amazing, and really savored that brownie because it was delicious. I am amazing! What a successful day! This amazing body of mine walked and drove and hugged and ate and all the while was breathing and digesting and beating, body I absolutely adore and admire you, thank you for all that you do! I love you, I love you, I love you!”
This is such a delicious practice, and I find that at the end of the day, after going through my day and acknowledging my magnificence in accomplishing even the most seemingly mundane or insignificant tasks, I am literally glowing from the inside out by the end. I feel full, and radiant, and happy and content.
So I encourage you to give this practice a try. If the aspect of your inner child that has mastered criticism shows up, you can acknowledge her:
“I see you darling. I know that you feel much more comfortable finding all of my flaws and faults. I know on some level, in your own way, you do this to try and protect me, to try and inspire me to grow. And so I acknowledge you. And I love you. And, we are going to try a different approach. I know you may not like it at first, you don’t have to like it, and, it’s going to happen. So I will offer you compassion when you need it, and aside from that we are going to explore playing a fun new game where we compliment the fuck out of ourselves.”
For the next week I invite you to explore this practice. What harm could come from just trying?
Remember, these don’t have to be ground breaking things you compliment yourself for. They don’t even have to be positive things.
Complimenting yourself after having a total melt down? Now that is audacious!
And it beats the hell out of continuing the cycle of suffering by only shaming and beating yourself up when you get consumed with anger, jealousy, irritation, etc.
Have fun with it, because darling, you are so worth it!
P.S. I absolutely love hearing from you. I love to hear your stories, your struggles, your joys. How does this newsletter sit with you? What are you struggling with that you would like to hear more on? Reach out to me and I promise you will hear back from me directly!
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!