Have you ever heard the term "too good to be true?" Or do you find yourself waiting for the "other shoe to drop?"
I've recently become aware of sneaky self sabotaging pattern, a fear of being happy.
I've simultaneously received the very clear reminder that other people's happiness is not our responsibility. You could try to exhaustion to make other people happy, and if they do not choose happiness for themselves, then you will find yourself on a futile journey. So please give yourself a break and remember that other people's happiness is not dependent on you.
We each get to choose our happiness, and happiness dependent on anything or anyone outside of ourselves is an unsustainable and disappointing pursuit.
Have you ever had the experience of placing your happiness on the outcome of some external manifestation? A relationship, a job, a car, a house, a "perfect" body?
And then what happened when that came to fruition? If you're anything like me you likely experienced a brief and fleeting moment of happiness. This feeling quickly passes and before you know it you are once again unsatisfied, setting your sights on the next object to achieve happiness.
I love to approach life as one big science experiment. And what I have come to realize after years of pursuing happiness in other people, in jobs, in objects of desire, is that that true, deep, sustainable, and authentic happiness is an inside job and a conscious choice we get to make, regardless of our circumstances.
But what if I'm just not happy?
Now, as you know, I highly value the process of first acknowledging and embracing our fears, hesitations, and shadows.
So perhaps you are in a dark place. Maybe you feel sad, unmotivated, or uninspired. Maybe a part of you just doesn't want to be happy, wants to stay down in the dumps because it fears being happy. Perhaps there are memories from your past where you were happy and then something terrible happened, and so you have a distrust of happiness.
There is nothing wrong with you if you experience or relate to any of the above. It is simply an invitation to recognize the aversions you have to happiness, which really are just aspects of your inner child that have yet to be acknowledged and loved.
So I invite you to offer this dialogue to your inner child:
"I acknowledge how you feel. I am so sorry for your pain. I am so sorry you felt blindsided in the past. I am so sorry for the adversities and challenges you have endured. I know that you are just trying to protect me from being hurt again. Thank you for trying to protect me. I am so sorry for any and all disappointment you felt when external circumstances let you down. I'm here for you now.
Knowing that I am here with you now, what if we tried a different approach?What if we gave ourselves permission to be happy? And simultaneously gave ourselves permission to be sad, angry, jealous, and any other emotion when it arises in the moment? You don't have to like that life is a full spectrum experience. And, in the acknowledgment that sometimes there are moments to be happy and sometimes there are moment to be sad, angry, jealous, etc., what if we began to soften the attachment to things always being a certain way, and instead began flowing with the ever changing currants of life? I love you. I love you. I love you."
As you offer more love, compassion and tenderness to these aspects of your inner child that fear happiness, or depend on happiness in others, they no longer have to put up such resistance, they no longer have have to battle for your attention.
In their acknowledgment, they offer you an internal spaciousness to begin recognizing and embracing your power to set intention each morning:
I intend to be happy. I intend to be joy.
As these seeds of intention are planted within the radiance of your heart, a subtle magic begins to present itself, revealing that regardless of the external circumstances in your life, your happiness can be an intention that you consciously cultivate, and that radiates contagiously from within.
I honor you and your courage to be here. Thank you for all that you do!
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!