Lately I’ve been feeling a sense of anxiousness - wanting to know whats next, wanting to know how it's all going to look, wanting to have a concrete plan, feeling unnerved by the fact that my life does not look like what I thought it should.
And, I continue to feel a pull to settle into the stillness, to have faith that even though the future is not lit up, that if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and loving myself as never before through the process, that I am being guided in ways far bigger than my mind could imagine.
I’ve begun to shy away from terms such as “let it go” and “surrender.” Because in my experience, when I am in a place of wanting things to look they way I think they should, when my inner child is in full fear mode and not liking the unknown, telling myself to let it go and surrender feels extremely invalidating and even hurtful. It gives me the feeling that there is something wrong with me because no matter what good intentions I have of wanting to trust and surrender, I just can’t.
So, today I offer you a new approach. Instead of trying to bully your inner child into surrender, what if you took time acknowledging her and her fears?
To the innocence of your own heart:
“I am so sorry this is so uncomfortable for you. I acknowledge that things aren't going your way and how much you hate that. I acknowledge how scary it feels to realize that things may not be looking anything like what you thought they should look like. I know how unnerving it is to not know what’s next. I know how uncomfortable it is to sit in the stillness and not have a clear cut game plan in place. I am so sorry. It’s ok that you hate feeling this way. It’s ok that you hate change. And I’m here for you. I will not try to deny or suppress your feelings. I honor all of your feelings. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
The kinder you become to the innocence of your own heart, the more you are willing to spend time listening to her fears, the more a sweetness of faith and trust begins to settle in.
In those moments where I notice myself consumed in a steady pulse of anxiety, I pause and breath. And in that spaciousness I receive the reminder that through my mind and my limited lens I can only imagine so much. And so why not love myself through the discomfort and hand over things to the universe, knowing that divinity has an infinitely wider lens of perspective and the capacity to handle things to a degree far greater than mine on my one.
May you be blessed with the reminder of your capacity to call upon the light of divinity, knowing that you are being divinely guided every step of the way.
I see you in your radical uniqueness. I honor you. And I am grateful to share this journey with you!
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!